I have been thinking about how I want the final chapter (hopefully, chapters) of my life to go. Seventy-four years are making themselves known on my body – joint replacement, cataract surgery, where have all the muscles gone? I want to live what time is ahead of me to the fullest, keep up the maintenance on my body, and in some small way, leave a mark, a memory that I was here.
That’s one of the reasons why I am involved in this blog. Vhairi and I want to share some of what we’ve learned after going through divorce at an older age, although really, I don’t imagine it’s easier when younger or married for less time. It’s still a betrayal of trust. It’s still unbelievably difficult. Our hope is that something we share will make a difference to other women living through the pain and stress of ending a marriage and building a new life.
So…true confession: During the prolonged process of getting a divorce, I found relief from the stress in alcohol. Having a glass of wine in the evening allowed me to set aside the emotional pain that had wrapped itself around every aspect of my day-to-day life. It made me feel better. It was good.
I soon found myself looking forward to that glass of wine like one looks forward to the soft pillows and cosy blankets of bed after a long day. The one glass began to turn into two. I didn’t think of it as a problem; it was a solution. And that, right there, is the danger.
Once a settlement was reached, and I had a home, enough money to pay the bills, and a successful freelance writing job, I was still having that drink (or two) every night. It was just habit, I told myself. Harmless. And what did it matter anyway? It made me feel good.
Medical appointments – “How much alcohol do you consume weekly?” I found myself lying. I knew it wasn’t good for me, so decided to cut back, limit it to the weekend – didn’t work. Okay, every night, but a one glass limit – didn’t work. It seemed that good intentions couldn’t stand up to that lovely relaxation of body and mind. Some nights I would wake, get out of bed, and pour whatever there was left in the bottle down the drain so I would have no choice the next night. A few days later, I’d buy more.
They aren’t kidding when they say alcohol is addictive.
I’m still fighting it. Every night, I think of that warm flow of relaxation. I’ve found a herbal tea that almost gives the same relief. Almost. I sometimes have a glass of wine in the evening after I’ve had a hard day, but I am very careful about making it a treat rather than an everyday thing. It’s not easy, though.
So this is what I want to say to you: be wary of turning to alcohol for stress relief. There is a cost. Go for a walk, a swim, a bicycle ride. Get a dog, a cat, raise budgies! Try to think of having that glass of wine as a treat, a special occasion, not a solution.
Take care of yourself. We are stronger than we think.
thegreydivorcee 