Tag Archives: divorce settlement

Check your Will. Now!!

If you had a will written in the year after your husband left you, I suggest you go and look at it now. And I mean NOW!

I had one professionally drawn up within that time period, brought it home, tucked it away safely in my firesafe and have never looked at it since.

Until yesterday, when, due to certain new circumstances in my life, I had a reason to look at it again.

And I was horrified.

I was in the middle of a nervous breakdown when I drew up the will. I clearly wasn’t thinking straight. And although the responsibility for its contents ultimately lies on my shoulders, how on earth did my lawyer allow me to draw up a document like that?!

In short, when it came to bequests, I had put in dollar amounts rather than percentages. It means that if I died today – two years after the final divorce settlement and monies came through – then two of my friends would get more than three times the money left to my kids.

And that is NOT what I want to happen.

So here’s my advice for this weekend.

Haul out your will and read through it. Does it still match your wishes and circumstances?

If it does, that’s great.

If not, get yourself to a lawyer asap and get it changed.

Be very – very – careful of the wording if you are leaving amounts of money in dollar amounts rather than percentages.

Review your will once a year to ensure it matches your current circumstances.

Runaway Husbands

RUNAWAY HUSBANDS: The Abandoned Wife’s Guide to Recovery and Renewal by Vikki Stark.

Website: http://runawayhusbands.com

I love this book. It was my ‘bible’ in those first few months after my husband walked out on me, assuring me I was not alone, and talking me through the healing process. Even now, two years later, I’ll pick it up, and read through a few pages. There’s always something in there that helps me see how far I’ve come, in both practical and emotional ways, but still acknowledges the hurt and loss that will probably – to some extent – always be with me.

Written by a therapist, who was blindsided when she found herself in the same situation as so many of us, she gathered together the stories and thoughts of over 400 women who had also been abandoned. Patterns emerge throughout the book, both of pain and healing. You – and we – are not alone. Other women have walked this path before us. Their stories are painfully recognizable… and their healing and transformation inspiring. Continue reading →

Legal Realities

By the time a settlement was reached, almost four years from the start, I had retained three lawyers and spent a staggering amount of money on legal fees. In Canada, for the most part, a divorce can be accomplished with minimal use of lawyers, a do-it-yourself kind of thing. If I had known then what I know now….no, I would still retain a lawyer, but I would also be more aware of just what a lawyer can and cannot do.

Each of my lawyers was capable and supportive. They all followed procedure, trying to get everything in place within the guidelines of divorce law to bring us to an agreement for the division of assets. However, my husband did not want to come to an agreement; he wanted his idea of an agreement or none at all. He refused to disclose his assets. The next three years were an endless trail of emails, phone calls, court orders, even mediation. No settlement, not even close. Continue reading →