It’s Thanksgiving Weekend here in Canada. I remember that first Thanksgiving after my husband left me. There was very little joy about it. I was supposed to have my family round for a meal, but ‘stuff’ happened and I couldn’t go through with it. Thankfully, Isobel came to my rescue and invited me and a friend to join her family celebration.
I don’t remember too many details from that day. I know the food and company were great, but I was still lost in that horrible fog of despair and was heartbroken at what had gone on between me and my kids. Continue reading →
Now that the “battle” is over (I have been officially divorced ten months), I have my future in my own hands: I have a life to live, a future to embrace. Right? Well, maybe not exactly quite there yet.
I had thought I was coming to grips with the rejection and grief that official court-signed document had delivered when I first read the words: Certificate of Divorce. Yet more and more I realize I have been withdrawing into myself. Was I depressed? Yes. Was I anxious about this wide-open future? Absolutely terrified, to be honest and still am. I’ve been taking a mild anti-depressant for over a year now and that helped me to stop bursting into tears at little or even no provocation, but the grief over the death of my marriage, the fact that money is a constant worry. No little pill can make any of that go away.
I was drifting further and further into the hinterland of aloneness, staying home, not answering letters, turning down coffee meets with friends, even family. I’d say I was busy, but the truth was I just couldn’t get out of my misery and into the world. I didn’t want to hear one more person tell me that I’m better off without him. I know that but why can’t I get over the stupid, senseless grief? Continue reading →