I am 74 years old and have been divorced for more than 10 years now. Why does writing this feel like a confession at some sort of Divorcees Anonymous meeting? Maybe because deep down inside, I am ashamed that my husband of almost 40 years dumped me. There’s no sugar-coating it, that’s what happened, and beyond my dear friend, fellow-blogger, Vhairi, I’ve not talked about this honestly with anyone. I’ve protected my adult children from not only the sordid details of the why of it, but also from how damaged I was and really, still am.

I have built a new life on top of the old, but I struggle with making important decisions, and money worries keep me awake nights. And then there’s the age thing. I keep reminding myself that I am OLD! That yes, that is me in the mirror, not my mother.

Divorce took out my self-confidence; it was years before I began to recognize that the negative self-talk that echoed in my head every day was my ex-husband’s voice. It took more years to forgive myself for staying in an emotionally abusive relationship for so long, long after my children were grown and gone.

But here’s the thing: Through reading, writing on this blog, talking with friends, and just getting on with life, I came to realize that I have always been a survivor, that all women are survivors. We do what we have to do and sometimes that means staying with someone who hurts us. Sometimes it means staying because we’ve been too damaged and weakened to leave.

I’d like to recommend a book that really helped me not only forgive myself but also to embrace the future. “It’s My Life Now: Starting Over after an Abusive Relationship” by Meg Kennedy Dugan and Roger. R. Hock. The word “abusive” is harsh, and maybe you don’t feel it applies to you, but I believe this book is worth reading to see how women in many different situations have found the inner strength to move forward in life after the terrible emotional carnage of divorce.

Today, I am truly thankful that my ex dumped me; otherwise, I fear, I’d still be living as a shadow of my self. I never thought I would say that, but it’s true. It hasn’t been easy. It isn’t easy now, but I am a survivor. No…more than that… Remember the song “I Am Woman” by Helen Reddy in the 70s? The lyrics mean more to me now than they did back in the early days of Women’s Lib:

Whoa, yes, I am wise 
But it’s wisdom born of pain 
Yes, I’ve paid the price 
But look how much I gained

If I have to I can do anything 
I am strong
I am invincible
I am woman…