The Lotus Flower by jennyzhh2008 from Pixabay

(Strength, Resilience, and Beauty in the face of Adversity)

Thinking back on those first years of surviving the reality of dissolving the marriage contract and building a new life on my own, I sometimes wonder how I got through it all.

My ex and I had been together for 40 years – 38 years married – when he decided he wanted to be single again. I had been a stay-at-home mother, wife, and business partner and had very little work experience let alone money. But there I was, reeling from betrayal and emotional pain, fighting for a fair settlement, fighting for a place to live, fighting for my life. I was 60 years old.

It wasn’t pretty. At first I didn’t bravely straighten my back and get on with it. I cried a lot, slept very little, tried to hide my fear from everyone, especially my adult children. My ex wanted all the savings, investments, property and half the house. His argument was that HE had earned it while I enjoyed all those years of free room and board.

It doesn’t sound right, does it? Aren’t there laws about such things? Yes, there are, but nevertheless, it took four years and major legal bills before my lawyer managed to get a separation agreement that wouldn’t leave me close to destitute. I learned early on that the law is not necessarily “fair’, that you need a lawyer who will fight for you. Without the support of my friends, my children, even my in-laws…without them I honestly don’t know that I would have survived. Literally.

But I did. I only mention all this because I know, whatever your situation, you are going through your own version of hell and I want to say to you: find the strength that is within you. Don’t become a victim. Fight back. Don’t give in because of fear.

I realize now that my mother – imperfect parent that she was – made me strong. She used to say, “Anything a man can do, a woman can do better.” It took me a lifetime to realize that her voice was the backbone of my survival. All I had done as a “mere” stay-at-home mom – raising children, being a caring, loving partner, home maintenance, landscaping, social planning, business partner – all these roles had made me strong. Like in Helen Reddy’s song “I am Woman,” I could do anything. I just didn’t realize it until push came to shove in the lawyer’s office.

How does any woman get through the absolute devastation of divorce, let alone at a late stage in life? I now see it is because we are women. Seriously. Women are strong – just as my mother said. If we believe in ourselves, we will survive.

Not only will we survive, we will thrive. My life today is full and content and downright good. I made it through to the other side, and it’s well worth the journey.

Fight for yourself. Don’t let anyone ever say you aren’t worth it. Because it’s just not true. You’ll be okay. You’ll be better than okay.

“The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don’t have any.” Alice Walker